An Accurate Portrayal of Columbus

from by Dead Candidates



In 1492 Kappo and The Rev killed and murdered Columbus and did the dirty work for him.


Sailor 1: "Hark. Land Ho!"

Sailor 2: "Captain Columbus, we made it! We've found the east indies!"

Rev: "All right let's take a look at this fucking land mass we got here. Where's my god damn spy glass… where's that useless first mate of mine?"

Kappo: "Sir, it appears to be inhabited by a delightful race of dark skinned, yet friendly natives."

Rev: "Oh nice, tell the other ships to hang back. I want first crack at em."

Kappo: "Captain, please I know it's been many long months without…"

Rev: "Shut the fuck up, I been working off the memory of Queen Isabella's send off since we left port."

Kappo: "Sir, does my affection mean nothing to you?"

Rev: "Just ready the landing craft, I'm going ashore."

Kappo: "Of course sir."

Rev: bend it over, I don't want to be too horny while i'm rowing to shore.


from How Do You Build A Media Empire?, released July 4, 2014
Kappo and The Rev



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